Lately I’ve been losing sleep, thinking about things that people have once said to me, whether it’s a passing comment or a serious conversation. Every time when someone speaks to me, it would always make me reevaluate my life and how a single conversation can make decisions for me that would affect me forever. For those who have understood the hidden meaning behind my previous post and managed to decipher the code, bravo. That post really reflects my inner turmoil and thoughts, many of which I’ve been experiencing for a very long time.
People, some knows how we exactly feel. Sometimes, I feel that I’m not able to really process my thoughts as I feel that the walls surrounding me, they know what I’m thinking of. Have you ever felt that you want to say something but not a single word comes out of your mouth so you just end up smiling or keeping quiet? I have, many times in fact. I don’t think I’ll ever experience the true meaning of love, not in this lifetime at least. All those talks about love and how it can conquer everything, they are all bullshit to me. Actions that we do define everything, sometimes a single action can change how everything works out for you. I don’t want to lose faith, but I already am. I feel mentally drained, emotionally empty, physically tired when I woke up today. Why can I be normal like everyone else, have a normal life, with normal friends? Is this a joke that fate it playing on me?
One question stood out from the rest, “why are you doing this to her?” From that very moment, I kept asking myself, yeah why? Millions of question marks filled my head. Maybe one day I’d be able to answer them, maybe never. I don’t know what to do, I just want to leave, forever.