I wonder what’s like living in wonderland, where everyday is happy and joyous, where I can wake up with a smile on my face, where I can just be at ease. I wonder how does wonderland look like, is it filled with sunshine and rainbows, does it smell like summer, is it magical? If I close my eyes right now, would I be transported to wonderland, where I can finally have a chance to be happy? Can I stay there for an indefinite period of time because I don’t want to return to where I am right now, its sad and depressing to say the least.

I feel hurt inside and out. I feel betrayed. I feel broken. I feel all the negative emotions inside of me, I’m practically radiating negativity. Have you ever had the feel of just wanting to be found, to be hugged, to have a shoulder to cry on? I feel like I’ve just lost a battle with life, it just got to much for me to handle and I just surrendered. I no longer feel in control of my emotions, my feelings, my life. I feel disconnected. Can anybody hear me or am I talking to myself again? I guess its the latter. I’m tired of drifting around, I just want to come down and be truly happy. Is it too much to ask for? I feel like having some alcohol, wait a lot of alcohol to numb this feeling like usual.

To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one’s there to save you

Right now, my head feels light, my focus seems off somehow. Its a fairly foreign feeling to me, to feel so sick that you feel like you may just collapse anytime.

Maybe this time when I close my eyes, I’d finally be transported to wonderland. Take my hand and don’t let go dear wonderland.

This entry was published on October 3, 2014 at 01:18 and is filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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