You know sometimes we tend to want things that we can never attain? Sometimes, things just don’t work according to plan, one way or another, something will mess up the entire thing and we often have to stop and rethink our moves again. However, at the end of the day, no matter what the outcome of the issue is, the learning journey is the most important part of it. We are learning everyday, growing and working towards our goals in life. There may be roadblocks and speed bumpers along the way but its how we capitalise and leverage on these supposed roadblocks define who we are and what we are going to be as human beings. Its never going to be easy, life was never easy from the beginning, but its how we make the best out of it that would make our life a fulfilling and enjoyable one. Like the saying goes, “when the going gets tough, the tough gets going”, life is like a huge game of survivor, only the strongest will emerge victorious.
I know for a fact that you’re reading this and I guess by the time you reach the last post, you’ll roughly understand this OT girl more, but at the same time I hope I didn’t scare you away with all these thoughts of mine. Here’s my open letter to you:
I really don’t know how should I actually begin writing this, so I’ll just type whatever that comes to mind. I’ve been thinking, long and hard about us honestly and I can’t answer myself about what exactly are we. Friends? More than friends? Best friends? Strangers? I don’t know, I really don’t, maybe you are in a better position to answer it for me. Can’t believe I’m going through this again, its funny actually how things turned out to be like this for both of us. If god gave me the power to turn back time, I would still want to get to know you and be your friend, just maybe I’ll change a couple of things so today wouldn’t happen. Then again, maybe we wouldn’t be so close if I changed those happenings.
Don’t blame yourself entirely for whats happening now, I don’t want you to. I’ll be utterly hurt if you did. Place the blame on me if you want to, I’m the one with the conflicted thoughts anyway, not you. Remember not to let this get to you, smile more often, you look more charming that way instead of having that frown on your face, so starting from this line on, I want you to smile.
If you want to know when I started to doubt myself, its been pretty long, just that now things started to take a huge 180 turn and its on overdrive to the point where I can’t control it anymore. There is only one solution for me to get rid of these thoughts, and that is to give myself space away from you and to give you space as well, especially when you had to face me almost everyday during the examination period, bet you already got sick of seeing my face. The walls, they are building faster than I can knock it down, I guess its more of a self defence mechanism in me after my tough breakup to protect myself from being hurt. Don’t need to worry about me, I’ll be fine, one fine day I’ll be good again. I’m a strong girl, I can get through this by myself.
Lets talk about the positives shall we? Thank you for being such an amazing person, words can’t expressed how blessed I feel to have got to know you. You are like a ray of sunshine in my dark dark world and you brought the happy me out. Thank you for your countless help during the examination period, without you, I think I would have flunk most of my papers. Thank you for coming to listen when I was presenting at the competition, you don’t know how much it meant to me to have someone there supporting you mentally. Thank you for the song choice, even though I didn’t win in the end, the song really made my video come alive with emotions which makes me so proud even till today. Thank you for accompanying me to watch the world cup where I guess this beautiful friendship started. Thank you for putting up with my nonsense sometimes, i know I can get a little crazy and wild at times. But, most important of all,
Thank you for being yourself around me…..but I’m sorry for everything. I truly am sorry.