i always believe that life runs in a full circle, what goes around would come around eventually. We may lie to cover something up, but eventually the truth will still surface, it always do. When that happens, we will often think of another lie to cover up that exposed truth to make ourselves feel better, doesn’t it always happen? However, there are some things that are meant to follow us to our graves, a secret that only our heart know. No matter how easy it is to tell someone about it, we are swore to secrecy to ourselves that no one would get hold of that information that could make or break us.
When you asked me if i had fallen for you, even though i answered no, the truth is that I do not know anymore, I can no longer convince myself. Fret not, I’m taking steps to get rid and move away from it, without your help now. Starting from today, I’ll take steps to avoid you and come to terms that I’d never be able to get you. However, I apologise for the promise that I’m about to break, and that is that our relationship remains the same. I can’t do that anymore, it will never be the same no matter how you wish it would be. There are too many strings attached to our so called relationship now and one by one, I’m gonna cut off all these strings. As much as i really enjoy being around you, I can’t do this anymore.
“I think, I think when it’s all over it just comes back in flashes, you know. It’s like a kaleidoscope of memories, which just all comes back, but he never does. I think part of me knew the second I saw him, that this would happen. It’s not really anything he said, or anything he did, it was the feeling that came along with it. And the crazy thing is I don’t know if I’m ever going to feel that way again. But I don’t know if I should. I knew, as the world moved too fast and burned too bright, but I thought ‘how can the devil be pulling you towards someone who looks so much like an angel when he smiles at you?’. Maybe he knew that when he saw me? I guess I just lost my balance. I think that the worst part of it all wasn’t losing him; it was losing me……… I don’t know if you know who you are until you lose who you are”
A part of me knew that this would happen one day but yet I fell for it, I went headfirst into this dangerous relationship, knowing that nothing good would come out of it. Maybe it was the thrill factor, maybe I was just being rebellious, but maybe it was just the feeling that came along with it. I don’t know if I’ll get to experience this again or feel this way again but I don’t know if the opportunity comes the next time round, should I grasp it again. I knew, ever since the day I first met you in China, and I was proven right as I got to know you better and better. How can you manage to hide the devilish side of you so well, so much that it intrigued me and pulled me towards you more than ever. Maybe you knew what you were doing the moment you saw me, maybe it was just all part of your plan to get me hooked and then throw me aside. I guess I just lost my balance. Its funny how I can be so happily single for majority of my life and yet one person can come in and make you feel like being single is the last thing you want to be, you want to have someone there for you. However, most important of all, i think the worst part in the crazy relationship wasn’t losing and letting go of you; it was losing myself in the process.